I'm sitting at work re-reading a book I just finished last week because I have nothing to do. I'm waiting until 4:00 so I can start my pre-close close so I can go home. The problem with working a meaningless job is that you suddenly become increasingly aware of how what you're doing is just that: meaningless. Maybe I should be reading What Color is Your Parachute? and working on my 5 year plan. Maybe I should be learning a new language. Maybe I should be doing something instead making a list of things I should be doing.
This was supposed to be my nothing job. I wanted a job that took little-to-no brainpower so I could devote all my energy into figuring out what I wanted to do next. But now I'm tired all the time from doing nothing and have only discovered what I don't want to do next (hint: this job).
The problem with applying for jobs for two years is that after a while it becomes apparent that what you're doing isn't working. But how do you get an entry level job in an industry you have close to zero experience in? Answer: you don't. It's impossible. Maybe when I'm dead and my body is sitting in an urn somewhere cold and dark I'll be having coffee with God on a porch at a beach-front property like on those House Hunters shows on HGTV and He'll look at me after sipping His black cup of joe (what else could God possible be drinking?) and say, "I'm glad you finally pulled your head out of your behind back there in 2016 (God doesn't cuss, obviously). I thought I was going to have to do something really drastic like let you get smallpox or get in a car accident just to get you to do something." And I'll chuckle before gazing out over the twinkling ocean and look over at God and say, "it's too hot here."
Because that's what I'm good at: complaining. If I had a superpower it would be to take any possible situation and find something worthy of complaint. The sun is too bright. I'm too hot. This bar is too noisy. I'm too tired. This iced soy vanilla triple latte is too cold.
I'm too good at this.
The upside to this ability is that I'm highly attuned to my dislikes. The downside being that I've become so skilled at pointing out what I find uncomfortable or distasteful that I'm not even sure what I like anymore.
Which brings me back to figuring out what I want to do next. How am I supposed to decide what I want to do when I can't even figure out what I like to do? Is there a career for people who find things to complain about? That seems like a depressing way to live.
I've been in connection with a couple people for prospective jobs in LA, but the more weeks that pass the more discouraged I get about ever finding a job in the industry in which I think I want to work. You would think a company that has a position they're trying to fill would be more inclined to hire someone than wait a month to start interviews, but I guess when you're at the bottom of the corporate food chain, your perspective is a tad skewed. At the very least, I'm learning a lot of patience. And by patience I mean being stressed out of my mind and coming up with every possible activity to distract me from thinking about or acting upon things I should be doing, which doesn't include, truth be known, this blog post.
Maybe I should stop complaining and read that book about colorful parachutes.
