If you're wondering where I've been, the answer is literally nowhere. I have done absolutely nothing with myself (aside from the aforementioned update). Yes, getting a stable job and being able to afford an apartment and buying nice things is really great, but when I look back on the past year, I feel like Jim Carrey when he said "I wish everyone could be rich and famous so they could realize its not all its cracked up to be" (or something like that. Was it Jim Carrey? Morgan Freeman? We'll never know). I'm not rich or famous, but when I drink my Blue Bottle coffee from Abbot Kinney out of my "Today is your day mug" wrapped up in my fur blanket wearing room shoes from Tokyo, I like to think I am both of those things. And my rich and famous self comes to the same conclusion: its not all its cracked up to be.
Yes, for the first time in my life, I have money to do things and buy things and go places. I rent my own apartment, have bought a new car, spend stupid amounts of money on working out, and just recently went to Tokyo to visit a friend. These are all amazing things. I don't discount that. I have, however, realized that these things add to happiness, but cannot create it. I'm the loneliest I've ever been in my life. I have a handful of friends that all live far away, I'm working a job that I'm not incredibly passionate about, and I spend my free-time trying to make my body more appealing. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I guess this is me saying, make priorities and then follow them.
I recently took a personality test that measured priorities and when I really had to sit down and compare what I thought was more important, I realized that the things I thought were truly important, were the things I wasn't pursuing. I ranked relationships over a stable career, yet I have a great job and almost no close friends. I claimed to value personal growth over material gain, yet I spend all my money and time on my apartment, car, and gym membership. I don't even remember what the result of the test was because I was sitting there dumfounded, realizing that I have been pursuing all the things I don't value.
Now, obviously I need a job to support my future family, so the fact that this has been my main focus for years is not a bad thing. I purchased my car with my future family in mind (I went from a tiny mazda to a mid-sized Honda) so this is also not a bad thing. But there is supposed to be a balance somewhere in all of this and my scale is confused.
So. All that being said, I'm making a change and focusing on my relationships. Investing time, money, and energy into the people I love rather than my cool things and killer abs (almost!). I'm not sure what this looks like, but I'm assuming I'll be spending a lot more time sitting in LA traffic on my way to visit people? Do I bring things? How does this work. I feel like I'm in Elementary School again and the teacher tells you to bring something to show-and-tell so you bring your favourite canned beans only to find out everyone else brought stuffed animals and Andy Ledwick has an autographed poster of Walt Diney's the Lion King because his dad knows people and here you are with Rosarita's Traditional Canned Refried Beans (excellent source of fiber!). But it's all fine because you have a burrito for lunchtime and everyone is just jealous.
This is like that. Probably. Somehow.
We can all say goodbye to my alomst-abs and say hello to my new friends.
I'll keep in touch.
